There are lots of reasons people have relationships. People have relationships for practical support, but also to meet emotional, social, and cultural needs. Here are a few main categories that reflect why people create and maintain relationships (Vangelisti & Perlman, 2006):
Resource sharing: Relationships provide practical support, such as sharing tasks and responsibilities.
-> For example, a classmate might share lecture notes when someone is sick, or a partner may cook dinner when the other is working late.
Social safety net: Relationships offer emotional support and stability and prevent people from falling through the cracks.
-> For example, Sanja checks to make sure her friend Kiki gets home safe after her night shifts.
Connection: Being able to share feelings, thoughts and experiences, and for feeling less lonely.
-> For example, I moved to a new city and met a new friend in class. Over time, we talk about homesickness, future goals, and feel connected.
For more information on loneliness and connection, check out this infosheet.
For more information about homesickness, check out this infosheet.
Being seen and understood: Feeling accepted for who we are.
-> For example, someone might feel loved by friends who appreciate their quirks, or are comfortable dressing authentically around their family.
Having fun: Enjoying shared activities strengthens bonds.
-> For example, playing board games with roommates or attending a concert with a sibling.
Cultural reasons: Shared values and cultural experiences help people feel more connected.
-> For example, having a roommate who enjoys cooking traditional foods from one’s home country can reinforce cultural identity and mutual understanding.
Biological/Evolutionary reasons: For reproduction and raising children.
-> For example, I am building a relationship with my partner because we want to raise children together.
TABLEAU: Resource sharing? What does that even mean?
The following “tableau” (short scenario) is meant to take concepts and put them into everyday situations and offer a moment for reflection. The tableau’s are not based on real events or people.
Here are a few examples of resource sharing in action!
“Hey! Are you driving to the store again this week? Can I catch a ride?”
“Uhhh… This is awkward, but um…”
“Oh. You aren’t? That’s okay.”
“No, um. I AM going, I just… Paying for gas and insurance is really expensive for me right now. I’m happy to give you a ride, but could you give me some gas money in exchange?”
“Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Okay, yeah. How much—ten?”
“Ten would be great. Thank you!”
“Hey, I saw you taking notes during class today. I know you’re smart, so I bet yours are way better than mine. Would you mind sending me a copy?”
“Thanks? I think?”
“Sorry. That came out weird, but I did mean it as a compliment.”
“…”
“So, could I get a copy of your notes?”
“Sure? But it feels kind of weird for you to just ask me like this. Could we do a swap or something?”
“Okay. Is there a class you don’t really like?”
“I’m super bad at English Lit, actually. My notes make no sense.”
“I’m BOMB at lit. I can make us a shared folder online, and we can upload our notes for each other there?”
“You know what, yeah. That would actually be super helpful. What’s your email address?”
Person 1: “Is anyone in the chat cooking tonight? I’m not gonna have time, but I definitely can’t get takeout. Payday isn’t until later this week.”
Person 2: “I’m not, but I have leftover rice and some eggs, if you wanna do something with that?”
Person 3: “I have bacon. I can contribute bacon.”
Person 4: “I have soy sauce!”
Person 2: “Person 3, how much bacon?”
Person 3: “A whole pack! I got it on sale yesterday!”
Person 2: “Okay, if everyone who mentioned something brings it over to my place at like 6:30 tonight, and Person 1 picks up a cabbage on their way here, I can make us stir-fry.”
Person 1: “YESSS THANK YOUUU!”
As shown by these tableaus, resource sharing can help people within a relationship feel cared for,
heard, and supported.
