Abusers use a variety of tactics to harm their victims, isolate them from support, and maintain control over their daily lives. If you think you might be in an abusive relationship or if something doesn’t feel right about the way you are being treated, reach out to a trusted person. If you don’t have anyone around you that you trust, above is a list of free resources and supports that can help you. Also, below you will find a brief and non-exhaustive list of some warning signs that you might be in an abusive relationship (friendship, romantic partnership, familial relationship, or other). If you don’t identify with any of the items on this list (Canadian Women’s Foundation, 2013), that does not mean you are not in an abusive relationship. If something feels wrong – talk to someone. Has the person ever:
- Called you names, made jokes at your expense, or humiliated you in private or in front of others?
- Told you what to wear, or harshly criticized how you dress?
- Constantly demanded to know where you are, what you are doing, and who you are with?
- Monitored your phone calls, text messages, emails, Facebook, etc?
- Refused to let you phone your friends or family? Or forced you to put your phone on speaker/be present when you’re speaking to friends or family?
- Constantly questioned your spending or taking control of your money? If you are financially dependent on them, have they unreasonably limited the money they give you or refused to tell you about your shared financial situation?
- Used physical force (push, punch, slap, choke, shake, use objects/weapons, etc.)?
- Threatened to kill you or others if you leave? Threatened to kill themselves if you leave?
- Used your religious or spiritual beliefs to manipulate or control you, or to justify their violence towards you? Denied you freedom of religion by refusing to let you practice your spiritual beliefs or insisting that you follow theirs?
- Blamed you for their hurtful behaviour and told you it was your fault?
- Destroyed your personal possessions?
- Showed up unexpectedly, when they were not invited and not welcome, to social or work events?
- Insisted you use drugs or alcohol against your will?
- Hidden your keys or purse so you can’t leave the house?
For more information about abusive relationships and the tactics abusers use to keep you in the relationship, check out the further reading section at the end of this toolkit and visit Love is Respect. Love is Respect is a project by the National Domestic Violence Hotline in the US. It aims to provide information, support and advocacy on romantic relationships to people between 13 and 26.
For more information on intimate partner violence, check out this infosheet.
Campus Spotlight:
Many post-secondary institutions in Ontario have centers dedicated to sexual violence prevention and support. Below is an example:
The Centre for Sexual Violence Response, Support & Education at York University offers support and resources if a student or someone they know has experienced sexual or gender-based violence.
For more information on Sexual Violence Response on Campus, please see our toolkit.
